TEAMTG: REFRESHINGLY DIFFERENT™

For those following our Bakatara religion, I have compiled a book of the High Priest’s scriptures for eternal digital keeping. An excerpt follows, with a link to both the Story of Bakatara and the Tales of the High Priest:

And lo! For once there was a man who did nigh but spin, and later met he a man who did only fuse. And when they met and decided to apply their skills to a single product was the spinfusor born. And they rejoiced.

And the voices they heard in their heads intensified, until they knew what needed to be done to sate the onslaught. The voices would only subside when they gave in, gave in wholly, and played.

Good stuff. Get it all here: the Story of Bakatara and the Tales of the High Priest.

Crasty continues his downwards spiral into Oblivion by screwing up his most basic character flaws. Though at first I was in complete denial of this radical change from assholeness to married-guy-with-kids, the raw logs speak for themselves:

[08:51] StormMage: crasty you suck :|
[08:51] StormMage: i had jsut gotten home from class =/
[08:51] StormMage: AND YOU WENT TO WATCH SOME LAME ASS MOVIE!!!!
[08:52] OmniWork: yeah turns out he’s trying to become some sort of sick family man.
[08:52] StormMage: wtf
[08:52] StormMage: gamer4life
[08:52] OmniWork: crasty disappoints! ™
[08:52] * BT14 shakes what his momma gave him
[08:53] OmniWork: Gayest Comeback Ever.
[08:53] * BT14 rubs his naked ass on OmniWork
[08:53] BT14: wooooooooooooooo
[08:56] Crasty: you guys hurt my soul.

And a little later:

[09:01] Crasty: Make no mistake, at DublinLAN… I will rock you.
[09:01] Crasty: ROCK YOU!
[09:03] BT14: lol
[09:04] OmniWork: watch out crasty. you might get BT’d… [08:53] * BT14 rubs his naked ass on OmniWork
[09:06] Crasty: !\
[09:06] Crasty: !
[09:06] Crasty: yeah, but BT’s stuff may get teabagged!
[09:06] OmniWork: it might be pre-licked!
[09:06] Crasty: o.0!
[09:07] Crasty: Most unexpected!
[09:07] OmniWork: watch it he might have some things spring loaded and a fleshy tongue might come out and lick your butt hole.
[09:09] BT14: this LAN is going to turn into a jackass movie somehow
[09:09] OmniWork: i have the feeling you are going to be severely disappointed.
[09:10] OmniWork: you obviously don’t know how nerdy gamers really are.
[09:13] Crasty: Yeah, we suck
[09:14] Crasty: each other! LOL YEAH! *high fives the room*
[09:14] OmniWork: at the last LAN party there was probably a total of 10 words exchanged between the hours of 6 AM - 5 PM
[09:14] OmniWork: and they were a series of grunts..
[09:14] OmniWork: whoohoos
[09:14] OmniWork: and FUCK YOU

Everything seemed normal in the morning, until:

[09:53] Crasty: F’n mouse button
[10:01] Crasty: I have to run an f’n fireworks booth tonight.. :-/
[10:06] OmniWork: i can see him there… hand on face… looking bored.. with a sparkler..
[10:07] Crasty: It’s for a very noble cause…
[10:12] Crasty: Careful… I’m gonna know where you sleep. -.-

Crasty is the next TG victim of the domestication virus. Please, be careful, use rubbers, and watch out. It might strike someone you know soon.

As further proof that Omni is mentally incapable of combining peanut butter and jelly together in a sandwich, he has fully and painfully omitted that while the Splitfish looks like a very cool product, it’s name alone evokes sexiness and embraces the Bakatarian spirit. Stray not too far from the flock Omni, for wolves in puritan clothing wait in the fields beyond the devout.

-High Priest Crasty
“The righteous man does not cause frustration, yet soothes the mind and soul with sensual massage whenever possible, and sometimes when not possible.”

Coming from a guy whose FPS experience began on a sunny California morning in front of an Intel 286 with Wolfenstein 3D, progressed to Marathon on the PowerMac 6100, and then most recently Tribes Vengeance on his Intel Core 2 Duo, the keyboard and mouse combination is tried and true.

These days, our game systems are looking a lot more like computers and entertainment media hubs than the dumb terminals they were 15 years ago. With that said, a new product caught my eye this morning and I will absolutely get it when it becomes available.

For the Playstation 3 comes a product that simulates the mouse and keyboard for games not explicitly designed for using USB Keyboards / Mice (I think just about all of them right now). And because I’ve been getting my Resistance: Fall of Man gaming fix, AND because the review mentions it, this might very well be PS3-heaven for me.

Without further ado, you can read the review of the Splitfish HERE.

Aside from the new banner that has re-dubbed the team “TeamTwinGotBallz”, it appears that Omni’s tenative grip on reality is finally squeezing through his lube slick fingers.

I submit to you, proof:

[09:54] [Runetrigue] crasty is retarded.
[09:55] [Crasty] Just because I have brain damage, doesn’t give you the right to goof on me.
[09:55] [Crasty] I’m a human being goddamn it!
[09:55] [Runetrigue] you’re a fat woman
[09:56] [Crasty] Omni… are you schitsophrenic?
[09:57] [Runetrigue] whatever batman.

YES, he posted this. next.

[09:58] [Runetrigue] FLOWER POWER!

Here the priest steps in and tries his hand..

[10:02] [High_Priest] Satan, release your hold on this man. He is one of Bakatara’s children and you have no jurisdiction here! BEGONE!
[10:03] [Runetrigue] that was sort of erotic

He kinda fails…

[10:16] [BT14] we have many sexy time!
[10:17] [Runetrigue] ok you are kicked out
[10:17] [Runetrigue] you can be gay just not gay with me
[10:18] [BT14] sheesh it was only a joke
[10:21] [Crasty] Don’t joke with him BT or he’ll call you retarded and get all defensive. :P
[10:28] [Runetrigue] OMNIRUNE ANNOUNCES PLANS TO KISS CRASTY

Now, I’m not a clinical psychologist, like StormMage pretends to be, but I think it’s safe to say that anyone that goes to the DublinLAN may actually be in signifigant danger. We will monitor his condition by the hour and give signifigant negative reinforcement to any and all things he does, but it may not be enough. Bakatara brothers. Keep the faith.

It’s official; BT14 won’t be living in a cardboard box off Highway 580. After a long wait, he has been formally approved to live in the Emerald Park gated community.

Because we don’t know how to do anything else, we celebrated this news in our typical IRC fashion. First, we must make a horrific discovery:

[09:48] * Crasty checks his back
[09:49] Crasty: oh good lord!
[09:49] Crasty: There’s a tattoo of a troll proposing marriage to a demon!

Next, we must complain about some future release / event and make a threat:

[09:58] Crasty: I can’t wait for the LAN… I’m going to Shay Omni’s couch
[09:59] OmniWork: :|

Then, we must insert obligatory homosexual innuendos:

[11:19] Crasty: ?!
[11:19] Crasty: Dan is wanting to have my sexing?!
[11:20] Crasty: Omni, can I haves me balls back?
[11:20] Crasty: I promise not to wave them in Flicky’s general direction.
[11:21] * OmniWork shakes balls
[11:21] Crasty: Careful, you’ll attract bees.
[11:22] * OmniWork hangs Crasty’s balls by a thread and loops it around a tree branch
[11:22] OmniWork: like a hairy meatball!
[11:23] * Crasty worries
[11:24] OmniWork: you will reproduce worker drones!

And then, at last, we must congratulate the individual that the good news pertains to:

[13:18] OmniWork: bt14 are you polish
[13:18] BT14: 75 %
[13:19] BT14: 25 % is canadian
[13:19] OmniWork: you’re 25% eskimo?
[13:20] BT14: nah, no inuit
[13:22] BT14: I actually think inuit girls are hot
[13:23] StormMage: bt would hit anything female if it gave him the chance
[13:23] BT14: not true
[13:23] OmniWork: are Inuits in national geographic?
[13:24] OmniWork: the best porn would be a midget double-jointed inuit with a spiked collar and shiny glossy latext spankin BT14 with a whip and making little ewok sounds!

Twenty days until the big move! Get a job, and tell your parents you’re moving out! Seriously, do it already.

It’s another Friday and we’re all tuned out for the weekends. On the BT14 -> California move front, he’s gotten one bite from the Dish Network, but his lazy unmotivated job search continues on.

In IRC, the-man-formerly-known-as-enigma (eniglet) has discovered OlgaBaby’s passion for Strawberry Shortcake:

[14:44] OmniWork: I’ll give you a Norwegians powerflush.
[14:47] Crasty: I’ll give you a Saskatchewan feather duster!
[14:47] OmniWork: oh, ok!
[14:55] ENIG|laptop: I’ll give you a strawberry shortcake
[14:56] OlgaBaby: ooo I love strawberry shortcake
[14:56] ENIG|laptop: hrmm… i’ll remember that ;)
[14:57] ENIG|laptop: i love ambiguous sex terms

In a surprise twist in the Sony chaos, my Playstation 3 came, swapped with a new unit, with a fully functioning blu-ray drive. Thank goodness. However, I still received the other empty box from Sony to ship my broken unit back to them (I already did). Ah, logistics 101.

For the Playstation 3, I’ve been playing Resistance: Fall of Man. This game has an incredible back story that follows an alternate-history Earth. A short except of the MUCH longer story:

The point of divergence, as related on the game’s website, appears to be 1898. American President William McKinley issues an ultimatum of war to the Spanish government to give Cuba its independence instead of simply declaring war as a result of strong, isolationist elements within the United States. Spain concedes, thereby preventing the Spanish-American War.

History does not significantly alter itself from our own until the onset of World War I. This is started not by Archduke Franz Ferdinand’s assassination, but by the British and French invasion of German Togoland in August 1914. The Lusitania is not sunk and the Zimmermann Telegram was never discovered, so the United States lacked a direct reason to go to war and remained neutral. Germany still surrenders, however; perhaps due to the failure of Vladimir Lenin’s October Revolution (which would have led to the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk and the beginning of the U.S.S.R.) resulting in Russia remaining an empire under Tsar Mikhail. However, during this period of civil unrest in Russia, many provinces declare independence or are annexed by other nations. Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Azerbaijan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan all become independent nations, while Georgia and Armenia are absorbed by Turkey.

Under an alternate Treaty of Versailles, the European Trade Organization (ETO), a parallel of the modern European Union, is established instead of the League of Nations. The ETO leads Europe into a period of strong economic stability causing the Weimar Republic in Germany (which had not been hit by disastrous war reparations) to remain in power. The Nazi Party and Adolf Hitler disappear into obscurity as a result of this prosperity, preventing the exodus of scientists who would later work on the Manhattan Project, including Albert Einstein. Interestingly, Germany still hosts a grandiose 1936 Summer Olympics to promote its prosperity, despite a Russian boycott.

READ MORE HERE

In TG house news, I went to Ikea last night and picked up some plain white plates and some additional lighting solutions to make the place look snazzy. I also bought my computer desk and dresser. All that is left is for me to get my bed together.

In another morning in the TG Village, our IRC chat began with ^Warrior^’s bitching struggles of having to learn SQL, and Crasty’s enthusiasm to punish party-goers:

[08:09] Crasty: Ameeerrriicccaaaaaaa……
[08:09] Crasty: Ameeerrriiiiiicaaaaa….
[08:09] Crasty: AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
[08:09] Crasty: IDEA!
[08:10] Crasty: Let’s make a program called crime and punishment!
[08:10] Crasty: “Crime & Punishment!”
[08:10] OmniWork: like… a program guide to a play?
[09:11] Crasty: ok, so.. we have a list that we hand out of crimes and punishments. Examples: You spill a beer, you have to sing “I will always love you”. You get caught looking at hot chicks on the net, you wear a bra on your head for a half hour. That kinda thing….
[09:11] OmniWork: so like, i can see StormMage in a bra?
[09:11] Crasty: Now you’re getting it
[09:11] *** Wilko has joined #teamtg.
[09:12] Wilko: well im done with 8th grade
[09:12] Crasty: Congrats Wilko! You’re a man now.
[09:12] Crasty: I just realized how screwed up you are going to be when you turn 18, thanks in part to us.

Which brings me to my next point. Many of the TGs that are around now who are in college or are just finishing college joined when they were still in high school. How much do you think your life has been screwed up because of us? Let us know.

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t fuck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of shit.

BT14, a person in a class of his own, has officially been sworn into the TG brotherhood.

Sometimes known simply as TG, other times as TeamTG, and when we want to get rid of new recruits, Team Twin GotBallz, we become one stronger with his life dedication to TG. In honor of BT14, let’s have a review of his time spent with us:

[14:04] Excalibur_Z: suspicions confirmed
[17:13] BT14: CONFIRMED FOR LAN LIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[18:45] * BT14 stands behind Punanie
[11:35] <theCouch> i’ll join you in the shower, BT14
[13:08] <BT14> wtf?
[08:33] <BT14> I didn’t sex the couch ever
[14:58] <BT14> lol
[21:06] <BT14> awww I’ll come over and snuggle with your pusssy
[22:18] <BT14> !bed sex Kasynia
[17:18] <BT14> pfft, I won’t start flirting until I drop 50 lbs
[18:48] BT14: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?
[09:19] BT14: tame that libido before there are 10 Matt jrs. trying to hump the entire bay area
[21:03] BT14: no one got my boombie joke? :(

Plane ticket in hand, BT14 will be flying into the San Francisco Bay Area on July 14th to move with the OmniRune to their new Dublin, CA home. Now, let’s just hope he has his apartment application approved :)

And for the curious, YES. The following picture is where the SummerBash 2007 event will be held:

For the unaware, the Dublin SummerBash 2007 LAN Party has been extended to FOUR DAYS of gaming goodness, kicking off on Friday, August 17. Dublin is located off of highway 580 in the San Francisco Bay Area in California. You can read more about the LAN Party here.

For those attending, feel free to let your inner Irish out; dress up in green, wear a tall hat, and more importantly, bring your bad ass bar brawling skills with you in a fight for dominance in every game we play.