TEAMTG: REFRESHINGLY DIFFERENT™

In a long standing TG tradition, we have all trademarked word marks and other offensive slangs to our varying members. Today, I present the best of our Trademarked (TM) TGs (TM):

OmniRune:

• You should go for the ones on the bottom of the pile, they have more OmniSauce (TM)
• Rub down Warrior with Omnigoo (TM)
• OmniBed: Soon it’ll be covered with OmniJuice (TM), now with more Crasty! (R)
• Omni likes loose members, with his wangina dinkimous (TM)
• Omni disturbs. (TM)
• Omni is a photo whore (TM)
• Omni is a conversation bulldozer. (TM)

Crasty:

• Crasty Disappoints! (TM)
• Crasty slaps with the Wang of Encouragement (TM)

Mais:

• Mais h8s Steef (TM)
• Mais is all about fables (TM)
• Mais is all about short notice (TM)
• Mais Shits (TM)

DigitalPunk:

• DigitalPunk leaves his options open (TM)

StormMage:

• StormMage Disappoints (TM)
• Storm Fails (TM)

CyberChicken:

• CyberChicken is the new Boogeyman. His brother died that way. (TM)

Wilko:

• Milko Detective Squad (TM). When you need shit sniffed out, send for Milko. (TM)
• Wilko: Drops out of channel more often than English seamen. (TM)
• Boobs Spit (TM)

Flicky:

• Flicky hates. (TM)

Steef:

• Steef is all talk. (TM)
• Steef h8s (TM)
• Steef lies (TM)
• Steef stares (TM)
• Steef steefs (TM)

Kasynia:

• Drunk Chics Pee (TM)
• Kasynia has Twins (TM)

Man Faces Malicious Destruction Of Property, Fare Evasion Charges

BOSTON — The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority is looking for a man who broke a gate at a subway stop early Wednesday morning to avoid paying the fare.

A security camera caught a middle-aged black male with a large build and shaved head squeeze through a passenger gate at the Green Line’s Science Park at about 5:50 am on Wednesday. When the man pried apart the 1-inch glass gate, it broke.

“If that one breaks down, we’ll send you something high end,” said MBTA General Manager, Crasty.

MBTA spokesman Flicky said it will enable them to “get all kinda of dirty money back” to replace the broken gate.

Crasty said fare evasion is not something the MBTA takes lightly and will use all resources to prosecute him.

“Pull the handle and everyone is happy,” Crasty said.

In the surveillance video, the man is wearing a yellow plaid button-down short-sleeved shirt with a white T-shirt, khaki cargo shorts and white sneakers with black trim.

If caught, the man faces malicious destruction of property and fare evasion charges. The man was avoiding a $1.70 fare.

Anyone with information about the incident is asked to call MBTA police’s Criminal Investigation Unit.

Forgotten to recycle any newspapers or tin cans recently? Feeling guilty because you neglected to carbon offset your flight to somewhere, anywhere, outside England this summer?

The Roman Catholic Church is at hand with a new line in “green confessions” to help eco-sinners to find forgiveness.

Crasty, the Benedictine monk who resigned as head of Downside School to become a parish priest in Suffolk, will be at the county’s Waveney Greenpeace festival this weekend to hear eco-confessions in what is thought to be the first dedicated confessional booth of its kind.

Vested in a green chasuble-style garment made from recycled curtains, and in a booth constructed of recycled doors, he will hear the sins of of those who have not recycled the things they ought to have done and who have consumed the things they ought not to have done.

He told The Times: “How about Bakatara? Or Cult of Bakatara.. or Church of Bakatara? Manage your sexual energies to keep a stable of babes at the presipice of orgasm for days on end in this riveting world of the Guardians.“

“Sorry, as much as the French are made fun of, oh lala is still a turn on. So, I have sex with myself.”

“There is a huge amount of greed in the West. We have to be aware of the consequences of how we live.”

WASHINGTON (AP) - A member of the Senate Republican leadership suggested Thursday that BT14 resign in the wake of his guilty plea in a men’s room undercover police operation. “That’s gross. I can’t believe you guys tag-team adolescent animals,” said Crasty, who chairs the party’s senatorial campaign committee.

Confidential told The Associated Press in his home state that BT14 “to have sex with Crasty… its overrated.”

OmniRune stopped short of calling on BT14 to resign his seat, but strongly suggested he do so.

“Married men give up their pilot’s seat,” he said. “We are a beautiful family.”

BT14 pleaded guilty on Aug. 1 to a charge of disorderly conduct after being arrested in a sting operation in a Minneapolis airport men’s room several weeks earlier. On Tuesday, he said that despite his guilty plea, he had done nothing wrong and had hired an attorney.

The Dublin SummerBash 2007 photos are now online at our online photo gallery. Check it out!

It started off normal enough:

<Crasty> make with teh sexy orgy!
<Kasynia> Crasty has never had the sexy sex.
<Kasynia> you can tell her that you’re going to visit Mias in his time of need
<Crasty> If I hdorcve now.. Id’ die.
<Kasynia> his girlfriend killed his heart
<Mais> whoa
<Mais> was that supposed to be drive?
<Kasynia> do it
<Kasynia> drive or that other word I dont’ want to say?

With Crasty in crisis, the following ensued:

<BT14> did everyone see what happened with me today?
<Kasynia> you gotted laid
<Kasynia> WTF
<Kasynia> how many times do I have to tell you!?!?
<Kasynia> YOU DO NOT HAVE A TINY DICK!
<Crasty> *wehw!*
<Kasynia> YOU DO NOT HAVE A TINY DICK!
<Kasynia> YOU DO NOT HAVE A TINY DICK!
<Kasynia> YOU DO NOT HAVE A TINY DICK!
<Kasynia> YOU DO NOT HAVE A TINY DICK!
<Crasty> yeah..
<Crasty> that’s 5r
<Crasty> Mais mustg b ea monstar.
<Kasynia> I woudn’t know
<Crasty> dikimous maximaous
* Mais buys Crasty an attachment
<Crasty> thx bud.
<Mais> love and peace yo
<Crasty> werd.

The following individuals did not show to the Dublin SummerBash 2007 LAN party:

• OlgaBaby
• Excalibur
• StormMage
• PoleJr
• Flicky

With the exceptions of PoleJR and OlgaBaby, surprise, surprise.

The Dublin 2007 SummerBash LAN came to a close at a lonely Taco Bell in Pleasanton, California at around 6:30 PM PDT. Meeting for their last supper, OmniRune, SpanishFly, Kasynia, Mais, and Steef ordered some tacos and burritos, stuffed their mouths, and went their separate ways.

8 hours later, Kasynia, Mais and Steef arrived in Southern California, while OmniRune and SpanishFly went back to the apartment to watch a movie.

72 hours prior to this moment, the Bash was just beginning, with the network remaining largely unassembled until nightfall. Instead, the group focused on a game of Volleyball, where OmniRune jabbed his thumb and was console-impared for the rest of the weekend (and is currently spacebar impared).

They all grabbed bites from Taco bell, and began setting up the LAN. Kicking off with Unreal Tournament 1999, the players happily fragged and died to DeathMage’s glee.

Saturday night was a late start, with the groggy TGs awaking from their slumber and stumbling into separate computing activities, consisting of World of Warcraft, e-mail, IRCing, and random chicken clucking. Crasty cooked the team Crastylettes, a heart-fattening breakfast that provided the team fuel for the morning festivities.

With BT14’s annoyingly perstering insistence that we do road rally every 5 minutes, we finally kicked the fucking started at 12:30. Team WeSpit took off into the greater Dublin area, while Team TwinGotBallz headed back to the apartment to churn out two theatrical masterpieces. Unsuprisingly, Interestingly, both groups decided to do a skit that poked fun at BT14’s annoying habit of liking anything female.

Sunday gave us Aegis wing, an intense Xbox 360 retro game with four players. Consistently interrupted by BT14, the players finally gave up, and caved to his demands that we all go down to the fucking pool.

Once there, the TGs went for more badly-played volleyball and a waterpolo match where BT14 clawed with his nails and ripped skin from OmniRune’s back. From the sidelines, the bleeding OmniRune cheered on the team opposing BT14 while he got to learn more about Adam Savage Lee and Grant.

At night, the party came to a climax with shots of jager, washed down with rum and swigged with buttersnaps. Twelve to fifteen shots later, we watched The Thing from a perspective never achieved before.

The SummerBash was a great success with emphasis on enjoying each other’s company in the strange brotherhood that TG is. In total, we played Counterstrike Source, Unreal Tournament 2004/1999, Tribes II, Warcraft 3, Guitar Hero II, Aegis Wing, Wii Sports, Defcon, and Empire Earth.

Additionally, I think all the players of TG approve of OmniRune’s new girl, SpanishFly (Tania), and their superb joint hotness.

Day 1 of the Dublin SummerBash 2007 LAN has completed, with a secret early arrival by Kasynia on Wednesday. Crasty arrived on Friday to begin network construction, with DeathMage, Grant, and Lee following shortly after. Mais and Steef swung up from San Diego, and OmniRune and DigitalPunk arrived from San Francisco around 5:30.

After a taco bell run, the group headed down to the volleyball courts to play some intensive vball games, and then headed back upstairs to play Empire Earth and Unreal Tournament 1999. OmniRune and Crasty left to the Safeway for a booze run, and then SpanishFly came by to give OmniRune some intimate snugglage.

With the WoW corner locked into a raid, OmniRune, Kasynia, Crasty, DeathMage, and Mais hung out in the OmniLair for some late night gossip and rumor mongering. Like tetris pieces, the group eventually found floor space for a good night’s rest.

This morning was dominated by Unreal Tournament 2004 and some Defcon, followed by the just-completed road rally. More to come as the news develops…

It’s quiet… almost too quiet. It’s the still before the onslaught, the quiet before the storm, the dryness before the Crasty’d…

The tables sit ready, the Wiimotes charged, the Xbox 360 controllers idling, and the PS3 with a dull red light. In just 4 hour’s time, this place will be a madman’s haven, with junk food the ruling currency and sleep for the weak.

See you all at Dublin. T-minus 4 hours, 13 minutes.